This blog post may be uncomfortable for some to write, because we are constantly taught as humans to “think on the bright side” or to “find the silver lining.” We are raised as an optimistic society which makes it hard to realize the flaws underneath all the glamour. However, ideas for this blog post came relatively easy to me, and that was my biggest flaw in itself. One of my biggest challenges is finding the positivity in life rather then dwelling on every single little flaw that I possess. On the outside I may come across as a relatively confident person to some, but in reality I overcompensate for my inability to move past my flaws by shielding myself in a veil of what some may call “confidence.”
One of the main ways my flaw manifests itself into my life every single day is the constant thought of “what does [insert person] think of me right now.” I constantly care about what others think of me which causes me to twist myself into someone I don’t want to be in order to conform to the normalities of a bunch of immature teenagers. The way I act, what I do, my personality are all shaped by the constant nagging thought in my brain that I cannot ignore. I envy those that are strong enough to separate themselves from the norms of society and to live as a true individual. But, my inability to have confidence in my true self extends much further than just school. It will forever consume my life past high school. What do I do to make my parents proud? How can I fulfill every single expectation that everyone has of me? These are all questions that may not ever be answered. My flaw shows that my life has been set in the direction of fulfilling what others expect of me rather than what I expect of myself.
My flaw of focusing on the negatives and conforming to the way that others want me to be can be seen clearly in how I act at debate tournaments. Debate is a huge part of my life as I practice after school three of the five days in a week and attend tournaments almost all weekends. However, the highly competitive atmosphere of high school debate has taken a toll in the way I act and think. Walking into a tournament, I usually already have the mindset that I’m unprepared and not as good as the other competitors even if this is not true. When I don’t see the results I want, I put myself down and when I do get the results I want, I tell myself I don’t deserve it.
The flaws I have today will continue to impact who I am, but they have also reminded me that to every negative side, there actually always exists “silver lining.” It is just up to us to either be complacent or to take up the courage to find it.